Blue Jeans

Unknown date, 1985

SINCE YESTERDAY

A special BJ story inspired by Strawberry Switchblade’s first hit single

I walk alone through the park and along the towpath by the river. Wild flowers mingle with the grass and bend gently in the spring breeze.

I have to go there again, to the place where we were so happy yesterday, just one short day ago. We’d taken a picnic along the river, spreading the little check tablecloth on the bank and laughing every time the Thermos threatened to fall over and roll into the water. Yes, we had laughed then… but now the trees rustle above me, whispering gossiping, saying ‘Since yesterday…’.

My tears on the pillow throughout the night had told me it was over… But you’d never lied to me or given me false promises. You’d always said you didn’t want any ties, and if you were accepted for college that would be it. No commitments, no promises – and I thought I’d accepted it… till yesterday.

We’d come home, happy and windblown, the picnic basket empty my camera treasuring the afternoon and our laughter.

“It’s so clear that all we have now
Are our thoughts of yesterday”

When we got to your house, there was the letter. You opened it and the smile that lit up your eyes told me that you’d been accepted at college, that you’d be leaving me.

You’d looked at me, still smiling, and then something else had replaced your smile – a seriousness as you remembered past words, a promise to yourself.

I’d understood that look in your eyes. I’d grasped your hand, kissed your cheek for the last time and whispered ‘Good luck Simon’.

Then I’d just turned and walked out of the house, breaking into a run as soon as I was out of sight, not caring who saw me as the tears rolled down my face, wetting my hair, my sobs catching in the wind. I loved you Simon but I never dared tell you…

Now nearly 24 sad hours later I try to tell myself that perhaps it’s for the best, perhaps I would only have been hurt later… but fresh tears tell me I’m lying to myself.

“When tomorrow comes you’ll wish
You had today”

And even though I try to keep out any bitterness, I can’t help thinking, hoping even, that once you’re gone you’ll miss me and realise that what we had between us was more than you ever thought.

I pass a man with a dog, and for a moment I forget my sadness as he smiles and says ‘Cheer up, love. Tomorrow’s another day’.

I smile a watery smile back at him. Another day without you Simon…

I’m nearing the spot now and slow down, almost scared to look, to recall our laughter and hear echoes of happiness. Yes, here it is, the grass still flattened from where we’d sat. I throw myself down and start to cry, my face buried in the grass, the smell of earth vaguely comforting.

‘Lynne! Lynne!’ I hear a voice, Simon’s voice, calling urgently.

“Just close your eyes and then remember
The thoughts you’ve locked away”

‘Lynne – I have to talk to you -’ He’s breathless from running but I hardly notice.

‘Your mum said you’d come this way, and then a bloke with a dog said he’d just seen you… oh, Lynne – I’ve done a lot of hard thinking and I know I can’t let you go just like that.

‘I… I love you’

My eyes answer yours. I love you. I always have done.

‘When you left yesterday I was going to come after you, tell you I wanted you and college didn’t matter, but I remembered what I’d said. But after you’d gone I couldn’t stop thinking of you, of the fun we’ve had and how I’d miss you… and most of all I realised I’d fallen in love with you, without ever meaning to. It’ll work, Lynne – I don’t go to college till the end of the summer anyway, and it’s only a couple of hours away by train…’

As your voice drifts away you kiss me softly, and the trees above us still whisper ‘Since yesterday’. But the breeze sighs ‘Tomorrow’ and I know our love is safe.